Friday, February 15, 2008

dastaan.......ek saheed ki......

Main hu ek insaan ,

chal pada seemo se prakrati ki,

milne dusri pridhi se,

ek aashique hu main ,

ya hu koi jogi,

ya rehna man-moji kaam hai mera,

ya hu pyaas ka bhogi,

jab nikla main tivar roop tha mera,,

badta main tej main,

wo to bhyankar roop tha mera,

tab to log kohraam kare,

mere rang roop ko salam kare.


Jab pahucha main kisi khoj main ,

khule maidano kai sanjog main,

main kyu natmastak ho gaya,

bhul gaya apna tej,

kyu madham ho gaya,

kya ye mera pranam tha ,

ya khof tha prakriti ka,

bahut bada sa vistrit ho gaya,

kyu bhol gaya main bachpan,

kya main kahi khule sapno main kho gaya,

mujhe tum bas yahi rehne do..

sapne main khoya hu ,

muhe mat roko .

bas khone do......



Ye kaha pahucha main ,

ye lo bandh diya meri soch ko ,

duniya ki khwahisho ne,

simat gaya hu main,

ab to khawhishon ki simain bhi bandhi hai,

ye to ajeeb vidambana hai,

kyu ye mujhe jakade ja rahi ,

meri soch ko chota karti ja rahi hai,

kitna ladu main iss duniya se,

aakela pad gaya hu main,

maar-maaar takaaar diwaro se,

kayi baar bikhar chuka hu main,

nahi hara hu main,

par kyu haar gayi kismatmeri,

kyu loogo ko bhi jeene kai loye hai cahat meri.



Ab to dum ghuta hai,

jee rahu hu ek sanduk main,

naaa saans aati hai,

na jaan jati hai,

kyu rehta hu main,

roshni ki bhuk main,

chale ja rahu ,

bin soche bin jaane,

nahi pata anjaam ka,

sab bhagwan ne kiya hai,

sochta hu main,

to fir main kyu naam lu bhagwan ka,

hogi subah kabhi na kabhi,

ye sochta hu main,

chup chap jeene ki saaza bhogta hu main.




Lo hua savera,

jaag raha hu main ya kismat meri,

lo pahuch gaya manjil par,

karne insaan ki kidmat,

uchal pada main nikal pada,

hone teri sewa main nichawar,

main chal pada,

itne saalo chala main,

insaan kai sirf ek shan kai liye

ho gaya kurban,

kya main saheed nahi hu,kya mujhe haq nahi topo ki salami ka,ya insaniyat pe marna,

desh par marne se kamjor hai,

ya khatam nahi hua abhi bhi insaniyat ka daur hai.



Lo chal pada milne apne atit se ,

ek saheed ko diya diya aisa inaam,

gum ho gaya gandagi main,

bhul gaya apna majhab apna naam,

mil bhi gaya atit se to kaun puchta hai,

aajkal kaun apne se bade ko bujurg sochta hai,

ub gaya hu main sona cahta hu.

main fir se apne sapno mai khona cahta hu.....


(ye dastaan hai nadi kai pani ki................)

2 comments:

shahista said...

hey it is wonderful.it showed me a different side of my dear frnd sumit....in fact,i identify a lot wid ur thots....shayad isiliye hamari itni pat jati hai :)
bt sincerely i koved this one....i think its 1 of ur best...
gud u reminded me to check the new posts

ramish rizvi said...

Hey! Sumit!

This is a good one...quite a lot of depth....and the depiction of a common man,soldier,his plight is great....felt like life took a full circle in this one poem....my salutes

But beware! not to be repetative..and yes! be careful to maintain the purity of language..Hindi and Urdu are two complete languages with two different moods....if u ever mix these two then make sure that it's required to do so....here you have used few urdu words...for example the theme goes right the tempo is there...its heavy on heart but words like ashiqui break that....its a very light word..to be used in a lighter sence....

milne dusri paridhi se,
ek aashiqui hun main,

you could have used pranay or some other word....similarly u can could have used pranam in place of salam....
Just a humble suggestion...over all im simply impressed by your thought flow and use of words at the appropriate places......

Regards,

Ramish.M Rizvi.